4-Year-Old Lying: Why It Happens and How Parents Can Respond

March 28th, 2025 / By Olivia Maitre

Five children lie on green grass, their heads clustered together in a circle. Each child has their hands up to their eyes, making binoculars with their fingers and peeking through. They are all smiling and appear to be having fun. The children are wearing brightly colored clothing in red, green, pink, white with polka dots, and light blue and white stripes.

Introduction: Understanding Why 4-Year-Olds Lie

Have you ever caught your 4-year-old telling a tall tale about how the cookie jar magically emptied itself? You're not alone—lying is a common phase for young children. In this article, we will delve into why 4-year-olds lie, what it means developmentally, and how parents can respond effectively while fostering honesty.

At 4 years old, children are still learning about reality vs imagination. In other words, they may not yet fully grasp the moral concept of lying or the difference between true and false. At this stage, their imagination is actively developing, which may lead them to believe that what they imagine or visualise in their heads is true. Their cognitive skills are still developing. There is nothing abnormal about it, so rest assured! But what are other common reasons why children lie?

Why Do 4-Year-Olds Lie?

Bart Simpson, from the animated television show The Simpsons, is shown from the chest up. He wears a pink hooded sweatshirt with a red sleeveless shirt over it. He looks slightly down and to the side with a sly, almost devious, half-smile. The caption reads, Or lie my way out of it like a kid!

In addition to the blurry line between fantasy and reality, their fear of getting in trouble may lead them to small white or “cover-up” lies. At this age, lying in children is often not malicious but rather a way to avoid consequences or navigate situations they don’t fully understand. Lying can also be a way for kids to get more attention from their parents, or to test and explore the limits of what is acceptable behaviour.

By understanding why children lie, parents can approach the issue with empathy. Positive parenting strategies, such as open communication and modeling truthful behaviour, are effective in teaching honesty and fostering trust with preschoolers.

How to Handle Lying in 4-Year-Olds

An illustration of Pinocchio, the wooden puppet whose nose grows when he lies, is shown with a very long nose. He wears a white shirt, green overalls, and a light-colored hat with a brown band. He has wide, worried eyes and his mouth is slightly open. Multiple disembodied hands point at him from all directions against a plain, slate blue background.

Praise your child when they tell the truth, even in difficult situations. Using phrases like “I love that you told me what really happened. That was very brave!” can go a long way. Additionally, it’s important to avoid harsh punishments, as these can increase a child’s fear of telling the truth. Instead, focus on creating a safe environment where your child feels comfortable admitting mistakes. Try to approach the situation with curiosity and patience.

Using age-appropriate stories or books about honesty can help reinforce the value of truth-telling in a way that resonates with young children. Use storytelling to explain the difference between real and pretend. For example, “That was a fun story! But let’s talk about what really happened”. Once again, at this stage, child lying behaviour is normal and doesn’t necessarily indicate dishonesty in the long run.

It’s crucial to try to pinpoint your child’s underlying reason for the lie. If they lied to avoid punishment, focus on problem-solving. If your child lies about breaking something, involve them in helping fix it. Encourage accountability without shaming them. If they lied for attention, provide reassurance without reinforcing the behaviour. In other words, use logical consequences, not harsh punishment.

Another good way to encourage truth-telling in children is to show honesty in your own actions and words. Let’s face it - children learn by example. Avoid “white lies” in front of them, as they pick up on inconsistency. Modeling honesty in everyday life will be helpful.

Building Honesty: How STEAM Toys Can Help Children Tell the Truth

Two young children are engaged in imaginative play. One child wears a large, friendly-looking dinosaur head mask made of felt or similar material and a white sleeveless top. They face the other child, who wears a bright blue bird mask with teal and light green feathers and a yellow cape. The second child also wears a white lacy sundress and has their right hand raised in a gesture. The background is blurred, suggesting they are indoors in a play area or home.

STEAM toys can be a creative and effective tool in addressing lying behaviour in preschoolers, particularly in 4-year-olds, while fostering honesty and emotional development. These toys encourage imaginative play and allow children to explore concepts like truth vs. fiction in a safe and engaging way. For instance, pretend play can help children act out scenarios where they practice honesty and learn to distinguish between real and pretend. Encouraging kids to create exaggerated stories and then discussing which parts were real vs. made-up helps them develop self-awareness about their words.

Additionally, STEAM activities promote critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which can be applied to everyday situations where children might feel tempted to tell small white lies or cover-up lies. By using hands-on experiments or building challenges, parents can teach children how to analyse situations logically, making honesty a natural part of their problem-solving process.

Our STEAM subscription boxes take this concept further by offering structured activities that combine learning with character-building values like honesty and responsibility. These boxes are particularly effective for addressing challenges like lying behaviour in 4-year-olds. They offer fun and interactive ways for kids to explore cause-and-effect relationships, which is crucial for developing responsibility. For instance, a science experiment about liquids can help children understand how their actions lead to specific outcomes, encouraging them to take ownership of their mistakes rather than blaming others. Collaborative activities foster teamwork and open communication, helping kids see the value of trust and truth-telling in relationships. By integrating STEAM learning into their daily routine, parents can nurture emotional growth while encouraging curiosity and creativity. These hands-on experiences also make it easier for preschoolers to navigate their developing imagination and better understand the difference between real-life events and pretend play.

More specifically, our Stories with Puppets box encourages creativity and self-expression through drama and puppetry. It can help children develop empathy and understanding of different perspectives, which are important for building trust and honesty in relationships. Puppetry also involves role-playing, which can help children explore different scenarios and understand how actions affect others. This can be a foundation for discussing honesty and integrity in a playful context.

When to Be Concerned About Lying

A Black man wearing a cream-colored vest, a white t-shirt, dark pants, and white sneakers sits on a mid-century modern wooden cabinet. He wears glasses and looks towards a child sitting in a black leather and chrome chair. The child, who has reddish hair and wears a white long-sleeved shirt and light brown pants, is barefoot and focused on drawing or writing on a pad of paper, holding colored pencils. The scene appears to be indoors in a minimalist room with white walls and a gray concrete floor. A white door is visible on the left side of the image.

If child lying becomes habitual and disrupts relationships or daily life, it may signal deeper behavioural issues. A child who lies without showing guilt or concern for others may have underlying emotional problems that need attention. Similarly, if lying is accompanied by other behavioural concerns such as aggression, defiance, or low self-esteem, lying may be a bigger issue. In other words, if your child seems anxious, withdrawn, or excessively fearful of telling the truth, consider consulting a pediatrician or child psychologist for support.

Conclusion: Encouraging Truthfulness with Patience and Understanding

A woman with her hair in a loose bun leans in to kiss a young girl on the head. The woman wears a cream-colored, cable-knit sweater. The girl, who has long, straight red hair, smiles at the camera. She holds a small white cup in her hands. They appear to be sitting on a bed with white sheets. The background is out of focus and appears to be a brightly lit room.

Lying is a normal phase in child development, and with patience, children can learn to value honesty. By leveraging teachable moments instead of punishment, parents can foster trust and communication that will benefit their children in the long term. Our STEAM toys play a role in this process by using storytelling to emphasise the importance of truth-telling, while also promoting critical thinking, creativity, positive behavior, and problem-solving skills. These skills help children understand the consequences of their actions. Additionally, our STEAM projects encourage teamwork and collaboration, providing parents with opportunities to reinforce the importance of trust and open communication.

Subscribe to our blog for more parenting tips and child development insights!

@Tinkerer 2024